it went ok

I decided to let C cry it out last night. I also decided not to swaddle her. Don't know why. Dumb moment for me.

Here's the play-by-play:

I put her down at 9:30 and she was up by 10. So I doubted myself about the swaddling thing. Got her up, swaddled her and put her back down.

Then she was up at 4. Here was my chance. Gonna let her cry it out. Then all of a sudden, I had this wave of doubt hit me again. I started doing the math in my head... 10 to 4... That's 6 hours. Is that considered sleeping thru the night? Or is 8 hours sleeping thru the night? I know at some point she'll sleep 12 hours. But maybe I'm expecting too much of her. Should I go check on her? I don't want to. But maybe I should?

All this going thru my head. So finally I'm like, Well crap. I'm already awake weighing my options.. I might as well go check on her.

So I went upstairs at 4:30 and re-swaddled her and put her back down awake. Then came back downstairs and stayed up listening for her to cry. Why do I do that? Sleep, Julie, sleep!

Then I went back to the bedroom, got a flashlight and found the "What to Expect The First Year" book to answer the question of how many hrs she should be sleeping. Went to the den and started reading. All this time, C never cried. Dang! 30 mins spent awake and I should have been sleeping.

So I went back to bed and focused on falling asleep. I don't know about you, but when I focus on sleeping, I can't sleep. I start getting hot and tossing and turning. I watched the clock tick by. Every minute that passed, I became more and more frustrated.

Then I heard Jason's breathing. He wasn't snoring. He was just breathing. That "I'm fast asleep" breathing. That only irritated me more. :) I almost wanted to punch him and say "Wake up! I'm awake. You need to be awake too. I don't know why. But that's the way I feel." (I didn't. I let him sleep.)

Then I started thinking about all the things I do that he doesn't do. (I should say the list of things he does to help me is very long and I really appreciate him.) However, in the moments of sleeplessness and anxiety over not falling asleep, I started thinking about how I'm awake, he's asleep...must be nice. I deal with the kids. He goes to work.. must be nice. Everytime I get out of the car, I have 3 kids with me. He drives around by himself... must be nice. You get the point and see where I'm going with this.

It's that self-righteous scorecard in my head. That Who's the Better Parent? Who Sacrifices More? scorecard. And when I'm exhausted, I'm always winning. In reality, that's not the case at all.

Of course that train of thought doesn't do much for the 'calm down, go to sleep' mood that I should be in when I'd been up since 4.

Finally just before 6:30, I fell back asleep and slept in a little this morning.

And when I thought back over my night, I realized C really did well. That's why I titled this post "it went ok". I messed everything up for myself. But I'm actually encouraged that she'll be sleeping at least 8 hours in a row very soon.

Now if only I could do the same. :)

The Exersaucer

C loves KK's exersaucer.

And her fan.

cry it out

I'm done. Done with waking up at 3 and at 5 and at 7. Done.

C was doing great. Going down at 9:30, sleeping until 6. For the last 3 weeks (now that she's upstairs far far away from my bed) she's getting up at least twice in the night.

I really do think it's got something to do with teething. The other kids did this as well. But the other kids napped. C... no napping, unless I'll hold her. She takes a series of 10 minute naps throughout the day. No joke. What can I get done in 10 mins? Refill sippy cups, microwave a Lean Cuisine, and that's about it.

If I set her down, she wails nonstop for at least a half an hour. She'll finally give it up and crash and sleep. For 10 minutes. Then we start again.

Tonight, I'm turning off the monitor. She's going to have to make it without me. Tonight she's crying it out. Some moms aren't so big on letting their kids cry it out. And I think that's totally understandable. I'm just not one of those moms. It'll be a rough few nights I'm sure, but in the long run, it will be worth it.

(BTW if anyone is concerned that she's too young to cry it out, just want you to know that I checked with the pediatrician and I got the "thumbs up".)

Mom Confessions

I just ordered C's stocking. It's expected to arrive just in time for New Year's Eve. Oops. Not that she'll know the difference, but still.

I let S and J watch "The Wizard of Oz". Jason and I watched it with them and talked them through the whole thing. The witch was just a lady with green makeup. Don't worry, nothing bad is going to happen to Dorothy. (well except that the flying monkeys grab her and the witch locks her in a tower. Totally forgot about that part.) Sarah has been talking about it a lot ever since. It's definitely been on her mind. Then she told me she dreamed about the witch and the monkeys last night. Bad judgment on my part.

The kids had popcorn for dinner one night last week. I didn't intend for it to be dinner. It was supposed to be a fun snack. But a bag of popcorn at 3:30 can apparently be so filling that it ends up being dinner.

Everytime I go somewhere that I just have to run in really fast... like the cleaners or something... I am sooooo tempted to leave my kids in the car, lock them in, and run like the wind. I don't. I don't want someone to call CPS on me. But I'm always tempted.

I say "We'll see." and "Maybe tomorrow" a lot because sometimes I don't really want to do the things that my kids want to do. And then I hope and pray that they forget that I said "Maybe tomorrow" when tomorrow rolls around.

I say "in a minute" a lot too. Also hoping that they'll forget about whatever they've asked for. The other day S said, "'In a minute' means 'in a hundred days'." I think she's on to me. :)

I bribe.

I hate to say that I threaten. That's such a nasty word. But I do lay out the consequences and hang them over their heads from time to time.

But there are also days when the kids eat three square meals, I find Candy Land to be a challenging and thought provoking game (ok I'm lying about that one), and the things they say and do make me laugh out loud. I guess it all comes with being a mom.

Things I Don't Understand But Pretend To

1. What Jason does for a living. He works at a tax firm. But not income tax. Sales and use tax. But he doesn't directly work with the client. He works with the engagement teams to pull samples of taxes paid by clients which will then be checked by a state auditor. Clear as mud? Yeah, I thought so.

2. Anything to do with accounting. Start using words like "accrual" and my eyes glaze over. Although I do know enough to balance our checkbook and have an understanding of our finances.

3. Income taxes. I'm sure Turbo Tax could walk me through it and I'd do just fine, but I'm always worried that I'll make a mistake, the IRS will audit me, and I'll spend time in the slammer. :) Better to have Jason do it.

4. How things like the TV and phone work. I know I used to know this. But things bouncing off satellites or traveling through cables and wires. What? How is that possible? When I call you on your cell phone, how are you able to hear my voice? Cell towers and satellites? And when it comes to the TV, all I can think about is that kid from "Willy Wonka" who was broken up into a million tiny pieces and put back together in the TV. I know there are people who understand this kind of stuff, but to me it sounds complicated and crazy!

5. Wind power. Ever since our trip to West Texas I'm baffled by the idea of storing energy that the wind creates. But that kinda goes back to #4. I don't really understand energy and technology.

6. There are a few body parts that I'm not really sure what they're called. Not really sure what they do.

7. Stocks and bonds. I understand them a little, not a lot.

8. Bar codes. You're telling me that all the information for that product I'm buying is stored in a computer somewhere and accessed through that little bar code? Fascinating.


I could continue, but I'll stop embarrassing myself now.

Maybe I should do a post about all the things I do understand so that you don't think I'm a complete idiot. ;-)

Typing with Mom

Lately, S is all about doing things just like Mommy. As we speak, she has brought her Leap Frog computer keyboard into the office/guest room where I'm blogging and she's pretending to type right along with me. It's cracking me up how many times she's hitting her "backspace" key.

type, type, type, backspace, backspace, backspace, backspace, type, backspace

I know I'm not the greatest typist, but I never realized how bad I really am.

Thanksgiving Week

It's here! The kickoff to the holiday madness. This is a busy time of year but in a good way. A dance recital, preschool programs, company holiday party, house decorating, tree decorating, and lots of time with family.

Lots of pictures and fun posts are on the way.

An Email From Sarah

Dear friends,

On Friday just after 1pm, our baby Mia went to be with Jesus. David and I were able to hold her and tell her how very, very much we love her. I feel blessed beyond words to have had 24 weeks and 6 days with our precious baby girl. Our lives are forever changed. Words cannot express how grieved we are to say goodbye. Please keep us in your prayers.

love,
Sarah and David


My heart hurts :(

How do you do Thanksgiving?

Like many things, you don't realize how different families celebrate the holidays until you get married. My family and my in-laws do Thanksgiving very differently. I honestly like both ways. It's just taken me 6 years to get used to the differences.

Growing up and still to this day at Mom and Dad's house, Thanksgiving is very traditional. Only the traditional foods are served. Turkey, dressing, sweet potatoes, a green of some kind--maybe creamed spinach, cranberry salad, rolls. And your choice of dessert is either pumpkin or pecan pie. You come dressed in your Sunday clothes. (You can change into jeans after we eat.) And it is in the formal dining room on formal china with the crystal glasses. Since becoming adults, we have added wine as an option at Thanksgiving dinner. Growing up though, when we had the meal at my grandparents' home, no alcohol was served... that I can remember anyway. Of course, what do I know? I was a kid and more interested in eating fast so I could go outside and play with my cousins.

At Jason's parents' house, Thanksgiving is a feast. I couldn't believe it when I saw it for the first time. There are deviled eggs, 3 types of salad, sweet potatoes, broccoli-rice casserole, green beans, more sides that I can't think of right now, 2 choices of bread, and more desserts than you can imagine. Chocolate pie, different cobblers, pumpkin pies and pecan pies. It's amazing. It's always been more informal. We still come dressed nice because that's the way we think it should be done. But the actual eating experience is way more laid back. Fix a plate, find a seat somewhere, enjoy.

Since we eat both meals every year, I'm glad they're so different. It's definitely not like eating the same meal twice.

But the one thing I wish one of them did is a fried turkey. Never tasted one. I've heard that that's the way to go.

How do you do Thanksgiving? (If you do it with a fried turkey, save me a small piece and invite me over on Friday. I really want to try it.) :)

Final Update

I just wanted to give you the end of the story since I've kept you up to date all along the way.

Thursday Sarah was admitted to a hospital in Denver. The doctors began an induction because her pregnancy had essentially become toxic to her body.

I'm not a doctor and I'm sure medically an induction was necessary. Maybe you purge more toxins from your body through a vaginal delivery as opposed to a C-section. But I have to say, it made me sad to think that they were putting her through hours of labor and delivery to deliver a baby that wouldn't make it. I'm not sure why she couldn't have been on the other side of a sheet while they did a C-section and took the baby. That's a lot of time to lie around and think about the fact that every time you feel a contraction, you're one step closer to losing your baby.

Again, medically necessary I'm sure. Seems a little mean to me. Just a personal opinion from someone who's way too close to the situation to be objective, I know.

Mia was born around noon on Friday. They sent everyone out of the room as she was about to be born. I don't know whether she was born alive or not. I do know she didn't make it.

There will be a memorial service for her sometime next week. Sarah is very sad. She's also still very sick but expected to make a complete recovery very quickly... physically at least.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for praying over them. I still believe that God is good and faithful and He knows better than me what needs to happen. I trust Him. I'm just sad. I pray that God showers y'all with blessings for being so faithful to pray for them.

No more about this. It makes me sad. Happier posts to come. :)

"Oprah" Is Ending?

2011 will be the last year of Oprah? Say it isn't so. Not that I watch every show. But it's Oprah. It's been around for almost 25 yrs. How awesome would it be to get a ticket to a show that last season... b/c you know she's going to be giving tons of big stuff away.

I wonder if we could write in and give suggestions of things she should give away.

If I were to get an Oprah giveaway, I'd like a trip somewhere... or all new kitchen appliances... a bathroom makeover.... a new wardrobe...

Wait, It's Oprah. What am I thinking? I should ask for bigger things. She's got the $$. She could pay off my house... My kids are gonna need to go to college someday.... I have a couple of weddings to pay for at some point...

Random Thoughts

* Christmas music is already playing nonstop on 103.7 (whoops I just outed myself as listening to Lite Rock. In an effort to save face, let me quickly say I listen to lots of different kinds of music... this just happens to be one of them.) I wish that JUST ONCE that station could let Thanksgiving have its day in the spotlight before shoving the same repetitive Christmas songs down our throats. I like Christmas music... but only at night, when it's cold outside, or I'm doing something Christmas-y (such as baking or decorating for the holidays.)

* Please tell me someone out there is watching the Biggest Loser. I know I have at least one friend who is. Last night was makeover night, and I won't do a long drawn out thing about it.. although I could.... but I will tell you (for those who don't watch) that they dyed this one guy's hair from a sort of salt-and-peper color to brown. I mean, crayon color brown. Which made me think: I don't like when guys dye their hair. I think it's a little girly and fussy. And I think guys, for the most part, are attractive with gray hair. (Disclaimer for anyone who watches the show: I am NOT saying that I found Danny attractive. I'm just sayin' as a general rule, gray hair on men doesn't bother me.)

* I'm about to throw up when I realize how much Christmas is costing us. Especially considering that we decided Christmas WASN'T gonna cost much this year. I wonder if I'm too old to give homemade coupon books as gifts. Ya know, those books we made as children... "This coupon is good for 1 hug." "This coupon is good for 1 night of cleaning the kitchen without complaining." And then, if you're anything like me, you'd get really ticked anytime your parents actually tried to cash in one of those coupons.

* I'm worn out. C has decided in the last week that she would like to start her day at 5. And I have decided that I think monitors are the worst inventions ever. If you need me, scream. If you're just "eh, eh, eh"-ing, then I'm rolling over and going back to bed. Because I would prefer it if MY day doesn't start before 6:30.

* C was asked to be Baby Jesus at The Night in Bethlehem at the church. I was told she's splitting the shift with Hunter Jones (shout out to Jennie :) ) Ha. "shout out"?? who do I think I am?? Anyhow... Uno problemo... C is F.U.S.S.Y. My question: Who's gonna play Mary while C is Jesus? I don't want to but I don't think she'll be good for anyone else. Heck, she's not that good for me. (I would like to submit into evidence the afternoon of Julie W's baby shower. If you were there, you know how she was.) Anyway, I love her to pieces but I'm pretty sure she's not the right baby to be playing a perfect child.

Oh... and they told me "Don't worry, we'll put her in boy clothes." Boy clothes? In Biblical times? Didn't know there was such a thing. I guess Jesus was wrapped in blue swaddling clothes and placed in the manger.

Haircuts

Time for Thanksgiving haircuts. (It takes a special occasion for me to remember to take the kids to be groomed.) S can go for a while without a cut.. although she looks so much cuter when she's been freshly trimmed. J's a different story. When it gets long, it gets so curly, and it's just messy. I always go super short with his hair so that it's ok that we don't go often.

So today was haircut day. Now they're ready for Christmas card pictures.

Next up... me. I haven't taken the time for a haircut since May.

BEFORE

The audio to the pic below that you're missing is "Waaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!" Yes, all those exclamation points are intentional. She is not happy today, but we were loadin' up and headin' out anyway.


Almost always willing to strike a pose....


Foul foul FOUL mood. Again, I don't care. Get your shoes on. We're going. If I waited for everyone to be happy at the same time before we left the house, we'd never go anywhere.


AFTER

She didn't want to look up from the book she was "reading"...



Don't really understand the weird hand poses, but at least his mood is better.






For an "after" pic of C, just look at her "before" pic. Same mood. More crying. Did I mention she's cranky today? :)

Update and Correction

They were not able to put a chest tube into the baby's lungs. They had to drain it with a needle. The lung did bounce back as I said. But as of yesterday, all the fluid had returned. Now Sarah's condition is worsening as she retains fluid and is having symptoms that mirror Mia's. It could potentially get very serious for her very quickly... They may have to do an emergency c-section to save Sarah, if things don't get better. In fact, the doctors anticipate that the delivery is very near. Of course, if it came to that, without God's miraculous intervention, the baby will not survive. But with Sarah's health in such jeopardy now, the choices are few.

Sarah's attitude is so sweet. She grasps fully the gravity of the situation and is taking it day-to-day. She says she thanks God for every day that she has with her daughter. My aunt says Mia stands for Miracle In Action. :)

Please continue to pray! I believe He's in the business of doing miracles, and He can turn this around.

I love y'all for being such sweet friends and letting me post something so personal.

Update

So the latest on my cousin is this...

Friday they were able to put a chest tube in the baby and drain off some of the fluid around one lung. (I can't imagine the precision it would require to stick a tube between the ribs of a 24 week fetus.) They couldn't get to the other lung because of the position of the baby. The lung they were able to reach immediately inflated like it should when they removed the fluid. However they still may have to go back and drain more.

They are testing what they were able to drain to see if they can get some answers about what's going on.

Please pray that Sarah will make it to at least 30 weeks before going into labor.

I'll let you know when I know more.

A twist to this... some of you may know this already... Sarah is one of 3. She is a triplet. One of her sisters is also pregnant with a daughter right now (her 3rd) and is due 2 weeks before Sarah. It's a crazy range of emotion... so excited for one, so distressed for another. Sisters that are pregnant with daughters due in March, and one is doing well and the other one is having complications.

So please continue to pray for everyone. Thanks!!

The Perks Are Nice

Staying home is one of the most difficult jobs there is. And this morning was a lot of running-around-town craziness. But it's 12:30 and I'm back home with my comfy PJs back on, out of the cold, and I have to admit... this job has got some great perks.

:)

I hope wherever you are, you're comfy too.

One of Those Days

You know those days where you can tell right away that it's gonna be a REALLY long day....

Today is one of those days.

The City Mini

This is my new stroller, except mine is all black. I L.O.V.E. it!! I can steer it with one hand. I can fold it with one hand. It reclines completely. It's awesome.

I'm done with the Snap N Go and infant carrier. C is now in a rear facing Britax Marathon and so we needed a stroller for her. I have a good friend that has one and recommended it. I've only had it a week, but I'm not disappointed.

BTW, You don't have to buy a new stroller when you have a new baby if you KEEP YOUR OLD ONE. DON'T GIVE AWAY YOUR BABY STUFF unless it would be a medical miracle if you got pregnant again. I'm still kicking myself.

What I love about my kids

This post is about appreciating my kids' ages and the things I love about having a 4 yr old, a 3 yr old, and a 4 month old.



S

S is 4, and it's the best age yet! She is very independent. She can dress herself, fix herself chocolate milk, get herself something to eat, etc. She has started to read. She writes short notes to me. She prays at night and says the sweetest things. She shows an interest in things she's learning at church and can tell you all about Adam and Eve or Noah. She memorizes Bible verses, and when we talk we have real conversations. Her sentences have changed from "More milk please." to "Mom, when you're finished with Caroline, could you get me some more milk? It's too heavy for me to pick up." I love this age. I don't have to do a whole lot of work compared to the other kids and I get LOTS of reward.




J

J is 3. He is a sponge when it comes to learning. He can't read yet, but anything he hears, he remembers. Anytime he asks a question, I give him the long answer just to see how much information he'll retain. He can tell you that an octagon has 8 sides or that penguins live in the South Pole. He knows random things like where his deltoids are and he can spell his name. He wants to know everything about everything, which is so much fun. I haven't pottytrained him yet and he can undress himself--not dress himself, so in some ways he's still a baby. But 3 is a good age







C

C is 4 months. I've never pretended that the first year is my favorite year, but C is my easiest baby. And I think having 2 older kids, I appreciate a lot more this time with her. I see how quickly they grow up. And even though I wish the other kids would grow up a little slower, I'm glad that C's changing as quickly as she is. It's fun for me to see. She's been sleeping in her room in her crib for the last couple of weeks and she's slept through the night since she was 2 mos old. We're starting baby food already, and she's starting to roll around. She LOVES the chaos that her brother and sister create. If it's too quiet, she's not happy. She's really been a fun baby. But I am glad to be 1/3 of the way through the first year. ;)

Lemonade Stand

S wanted to have a lemonade stand today. Random, but ok. So we took a box from the garage and covered it with wrapping paper. (Her idea. Why it needed to be covered in paper, I don't know.) She then made a sign and taped it to the box, set the box on its side and set up shop. She got plastic cups and straws. I let her play with a pitcher. She put some water in it and J and I "bought" cups of water from her all morning.

It was actually kind of fun. Wow... how my idea of "fun" has changed in the last few years. :) ha!

More Prayers

I'm posting this because I know I have friends who read this that will stop and pray for my cousin, Sarah. I told you about her baby and the problems she was having with her pregnancy. As I said, the chromosomal test came back fine, but I just talked to my mom and she is not out of the woods at all. I didn't realize that.

Her baby (they've named her Mia) still has a lot of fluid around her lungs and abdomen. Sarah is about 23 weeks along I think. Apparently this is a critical time for lung development, and Mia's lungs are not developing at all like they should. From what I understand, her skin is retaining fluid as well, as is Sarah's skin. It's a pretty bad situation.

Sarah was told essentially that to do nothing for Mia was not an option. Without intervention, she won't survive. So on Friday, Sarah will go to a hospital in Denver (one of only 2 hospitals in the country who will perform this procedure) and they will insert a tube into the baby's chest to drain the fluid. I don't understand many of the details of the surgery. I think it's a fairly new procedure. Obviously there are many risks to this surgery. Not the least of which is that Sarah could go into labor.

Y'all are great friends and I know you will pray for her as you think about it. So thank you in advance.

Note to Self

J is spending too much time with his sisters....

The "New" Furniture Is Here

A close-up of the ottoman... It's a little busy, I know, but trust me, it'll all make sense when the new curtains are hung in the living room and dining room. I'll take more pics when that happens.




Here's the finished look. You may not be able to really get the idea from the pics. The couch is striped (although you can't really tell from a distance) and so comfortable now. It's busy enough and durable enough to hide kid stains. Although I'm not going to let them sit on it just yet. I want to enjoy the new-ness as long as possible. I'm super happy and it all goes really well with everything else.




Change is good!!!!

Looking Good

Got a good report from Scottish Rite this morning. J's left foot curves in slightly and there's been some slight, expected atrophy. But for now, no need for any additional treatments or surgery. We go back in a year.

This is my couch and ottoman. Not a great picture and the pillows are missing. I didn't think I'd be blogging about this, but there's nothing else really for me to talk about today.

So back to the furniture...

These guys have been with me for 9 years, ever since I got my first teaching job.... (NINE years ago, wow, I'd never really thought about how long ago that was.) The blue couch matches absolutely nothing in this house or in my last house. It's not necessarily the most comfortable couch to sit on, but I love it.

I love it because it takes me back to those apartment days when I lived alone. I don't know if you've ever done it or if you did and hated it, but I loved living alone. There was something really great about teaching all day, grabbing something to eat on the way home, coming home to an empty apartment, and watching whatever I wanted on TV. No roommates to check in with. No roommates' friends eating my food in the fridge.

To this day, I really enjoy taking time away from everyone and being by myself. Some people are energized and recharged by surrounding themselves with people. Let me go to lunch or to the gym or to a movie by myself and I'll be in a much better mood when I come home.

I also love this couch because it reminds me of all the friends I've had that have sat on that couch. A lot of them were friends I worked with and don't get a chance to see much anymore. There weren't a lot of places to sit in my apartment, so on the rare occasion I had people over, we all crammed on to the couch.

This was also the place where I took my first nap with my babies when they came home from the hospital.

But as I said, it doesn't match anything. So it's gone. And so is the ottoman, which also lived with me during my apartment days. They're coming back soon in all new fabric, and I'm excited about that. But I'm kinda sad about getting rid of the old stuff. The old mismatched stuff was mine. Mine before I had kids or even before I met Jason. I have an odd sentimental attachment to them. Funny how that can happen and it's funny the things that memories are attached to.

It was a big day

Yesterday Audrey walked across the street and asked me if S could come over and play.

Audrey is in Kindergarten this year and is so nice to S. So I know she had a great time over at her house.

But what makes yesterday such a big deal is that it's the first time someone has rung my doorbell and asked if one of my kids could come over and play. That sounds really grown up to me. That's not a play date. That's not her mom calling me and setting something up. That's not S playing with her cousins or some other family member.

S walked over to a friend's house to play yesterday. I swear I don't have a kid old enough to do that. But I guess I do.

The Best Babysitter Ever...

TV!!!

:)

Thank you, "Dora and The Crystal Kingdom", for being on Sunday night.

Grand Prix Race Day

Today was Grand Prix Day at S's preschool. You make a car at home with your child and then the kids race each other. It's a really fun day. We used her car from last year because it's a lot easier than making a new one.
(We never can remember how to take a picture of a moving object without it being blurry. I know our camera can do it. Oh well.)






Daddy raced with S's car. I wish I had gotten a picture of her cheering him on. She was so proud of him...



I didn't do anything, but just to prove I was there...