New Baby

Today I saw almost 4-week-old Baby Jenna. So cute! So perfect! So tiny! She made me more excited about Baby #3.

It's not that I'm dreading having another baby, of course. It's just that I don't have the luxury of blissful ignorance anymore. I know how tired I am with a new baby. I know how CRAZY my hormones get and stay for 3 or 4... maybe 6 mos after the baby is born. :) I know how hard it is to juggle more than one kid. Sleeping when the baby sleeps will not be an option with 2 toddlers in the house. I'm nervous, I guess. Not a fear of the unknown. But more a fear of the known.

But...

Then I saw Jenna. She was so sweet and made the cutest noises. When she yawned, I saw her toothless gums. That's something you don't really appreciate until your baby cuts her first tooth, and then you know her smile is forever changed. Toothless grins are the BEST! Her eyes were beautiful but still too young to really focus on anything. So she listened intently to the sounds of the voices around her. There's something really sweet about that. Jenna made me excited about what's in store for me. She reminded me of the precious times that I've had with my babies. So I think I'm more ready for July to come than I was a week ago.

But... before I become overly sentimental... reality check:

I got to give her back. :) I will sleep a peaceful sleep tonight. My hormones, while crazy, are nowhere near as imbalanced as they will be a few short months from now. I had time to shower this morning. The newborn cry, so sweet at first, wears thin after a few hours and no sleep. I know this, I remember it.

But, at the end of the day, I love being a mom. It is the hardest thing I've ever done. It is the most selfless thing that I've ever done... which is, at times, what makes it so hard. Right now, though, this is what my life is about, and I wouldn't change it.

Can't Believe I Have a Blog

I know I won't keep up with my blog. So why do I even have one? Maybe peer pressure. Maybe because it's kind of the thing that everybody seems to be doing. But then again, I don't have a Blackberry or an iPhone. I don't have a Tivo. I still use a landline as opposed to a cell phone as my primary source of communication with the outside world. Heck, I just got call waiting about a year ago. Since when do I care what everybody else seems to be doing? But I like to write. It's the easiest way for me to express my thoughts and the way I see things. So I'll try it. We'll see if I keep up with it.